1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:07,600 This programme contains very strong language. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,520 2019 was the most tumultuous year to hit calendars since records began in 2018 - 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,360 a time of upheaval, conflict, and a banana duct-taped to a wall. 4 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,960 This is its story, through the mouths of those who saw it. 5 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,120 Standing here in the English countryside, 6 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,720 it may not seem obvious, 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:32,440 but we are facing a man-made disaster on a global scale. 8 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:34,840 David Attenborough did a TV show about the environment 9 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,720 called Climate Change - The Facts, 10 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,160 which is irresponsible of him because you can't change the facts. 11 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,720 That's what all the science people in the programme kept saying. 12 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,160 Once you've crossed the tipping point, that's it - 13 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,000 you've triggered a catastrophic change. 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,520 It was basically a snuff movie starring everyone on the planet, 15 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,760 all the animals and the ice 16 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,400 and the forests and the oceans - everything. 17 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,680 All the way down to the ants, probably. 18 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,200 They didn't actually show what'll happen to the ants, 19 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,040 but they're the first to go in a stampede situation, 20 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,800 so chances are they're fucked too. 21 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,880 2019 was scary in a lot of ways, but I think the scariest part 22 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,280 of the year was when this girl travelling through time 23 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,440 to the Davos summit to bring us all a warning from the future. 24 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,240 I am here to say our house 25 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,760 is on fire. 26 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,440 It was like something from a horror movie 27 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:27,440 except instead of riding a tricycle around an abandoned hotel, 28 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,280 she was delivering a terrifying prophecy, 29 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,440 and the twist was it's true. 30 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,280 People are suffering, people are dying, 31 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,080 entire ecosystems are collapsing. 32 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,600 Normally I'd just ignore the terrified pleading of a child, 33 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,320 but even I've noticed the weather's been a bit weird this year, 34 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,120 like it's on shuffle mode. 35 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,320 One minute it was colder than ever, 36 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,040 and then it was wetter than ever, 37 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,920 then it was hotter than ever. 38 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,120 At one point, the Amazon caught fire, 39 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,800 which must have been a real blow to those people trying to chop it down. 40 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:03,240 The eyes of all future generations are upon you, 41 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:08,720 and if you choose to fail us, I say, we will never forgive you. 42 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,360 Whenever there's a kid asking difficult questions, 43 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,960 it's important to ask, 44 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,400 what's her background? You know? 45 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,680 How can I discredit this? 46 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,600 And it turns out her mum took part in Eurovision once. 47 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,760 Can you keep a secret? 48 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,640 So she's just part of the Eurovision elite. 49 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,280 Even though everything Greta Thunderberg said was depressing, 50 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,920 she got really popular, like Radiohead. 51 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,160 And soon she was on tour, hanging out on yachts 52 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,040 and meeting Hollywood stars. 53 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,080 And because she was making everybody focus on this massive threat 54 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,640 to human civilisation, some people got annoyed she was taking 55 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:48,040 attention away from more important things, like themselves. 56 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,560 No, I think she needs to get back to school and shut up. 57 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,880 Grown men taking the piss out of a 16-year-old girl sounds cowardly, 58 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,960 but when you think about what massive wankers it made them seem 59 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,680 to literally everyone, it's an act of extreme heroism, in a way. 60 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,160 A bit like being a first responder rushing selflessly 61 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,000 into the Twin Towers, 62 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,280 but the cunt's version of that. 63 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,120 They'll probably make a movie about her life. 64 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,080 I don't know what the overall story will be, 65 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,560 but because she's a Swedish schoolgirl 66 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,840 that middle-aged men seem to hate, it'll basically be the opposite 67 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,960 of the last 40 or so Woody Allen films. 68 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,320 Here, schoolchildren across the UK have been taking part 69 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,200 in a day of protests, calling for action on climate change. 70 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,360 We have to do something to save the planet. 71 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,240 ALL CHANT: This is what democracy looks like! 72 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,480 It was a strange feeling, 73 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,080 seeing all these tiny children marching to demand a future. 74 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,000 It filled me with despair, but it also made me quite broody, 75 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,520 and now I can't wait to have a frightened little baby. 76 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,680 The kids say all they want is a future, which is fine, 77 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,360 but a few years ago, they said all they wanted was a fidget spinner. 78 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,200 Make up your fucking minds. 79 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,080 It is one craze after another with them. 80 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,440 They'll be into something else in a few years, 81 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,160 like fighting for water or something. 82 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,440 The kids weren't the only ones protesting. 83 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,760 There were these Extinction Rebel Lion people as well 84 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,480 who took over bits of London. 85 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,880 It's a good cause, but it did look like the whitest carnival ever. 86 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,720 At one point, they stopped people using the tube. 87 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,360 A lot of people said the protesters 88 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,480 shouldn't have targeted public transport because 89 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,040 it's one of the most environmentally friendly ways of travelling. 90 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,680 You're stopping an electric train. It's electric. 91 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,480 But sometimes, in a protest, it's important to do things that 92 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,520 make absolutely no fucking sense and alienate everyone. 93 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,560 The thing with climate change is it's hard to know what to think. 94 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,040 You've got half the world's scientists saying one thing 95 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,120 and the other half completely agreeing with them. 96 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,120 So it's all just their opinion. 97 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,080 If we all ate less meat, that would help. 98 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,760 I'm fully vegan now, 99 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,200 apart from the odd bit of cheese and chorizo. 100 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,520 And Bovril. 101 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,720 Hi. Morning, Martin. Hi, how are you? Morning, everyone. 102 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,440 In the past, politicians had to pretend to be nice 103 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,800 and friendly, like an eerie neighbour who just wants to talk, 104 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,160 but now they've learnt they don't have to be nice at all. 105 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,640 Some of them overdo it and say things that are so awful, 106 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,920 it sort of backfires. 107 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,240 I think we should treat women the same as men, and that means 108 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,160 if a woman is being a giant bitch, I'm going 109 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,840 to be a giant dick back to her. Any questions? 110 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:20,280 The news kept covering it in detail. Everything about it was insane. 111 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:23,320 Some people on the left didn't like having these provocative, 112 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,400 intolerant people around, so they started lobbing milkshakes 113 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,760 over them to test whether they were lactose intolerant too. 114 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,440 And usually, they filmed it as well. 115 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,280 I think, technically, it's called a cream pie video. 116 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,760 There's a sort of middle ground of unpleasantness that works well. 117 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,600 You have to say or do something dodgy, 118 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,360 but not so dodgy no-one will defend it, like a white bloke wearing 119 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,520 blackface in the dark, you know, something that'll divide 120 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,360 and confuse people just enough that they spend their time arguing 121 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,400 with each other rather than with you. 122 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,840 Apparently, everyone's caught polarisation, which is 123 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:01,280 this sort of brain disease where you're angry all the time. 124 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:05,160 It spreads on the internet, and there's no vaccine for it yet. 125 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,160 And even if there was, I wouldn't take it, 126 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,160 because I don't believe in vaccines any more, because of Facebook. 127 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,520 What do we want? Brexit! When do we want it? Now! 128 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,000 It's all because of Brexit, basically. It's torn people apart. 129 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,400 My mate Paul's finding it extra hard, because he's bipolar, 130 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,200 and his upside is Remain, but his downside is Leave. 131 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,880 He's barely on speaking terms with himself most days, 132 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,280 which is quite an improvement, actually. 133 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:35,640 Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! 134 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,880 Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! 135 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,000 I've got so used to hating everything, I was eating 136 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,240 a biscuit the other day, and I suddenly thought, fuck this biscuit! 137 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,000 You know? I don't want a Bourbon cream. 138 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,440 Fuck you, you crunchy fucking cream-filled prick! 139 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,920 Fuck off back to your biscuit tin! And then I thought, what am I doing? 140 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,560 You know? What have I become? Who do I think I am? 141 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,800 Who the fuck am I looking at? Do I fucking want some? 142 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,440 And I kicked the shit out of myself, right there in the kitchen, 143 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,760 really gave me what for, and it all felt a bit better after that. 144 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,560 But Britain isn't the only disunited country. 145 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,400 Since Donald Trump became President in 2017 with no government 146 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,400 experience - something which is still true today - 147 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,200 the USA has also been at war with itself. 148 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,560 Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! 149 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,240 Trump keeps doing stuff like locking kids in cages 150 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,440 and telling people to go back to where they came from, 151 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,720 which they can't anyway, because he's building 152 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,880 a wall around the country to stop them from escaping. 153 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,240 Donald Trump should be a hero to a lot of people. 154 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,560 He's really moved the goalposts on how incompetent you can be and 155 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:38,840 still keep your job. 156 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:42,040 I hope they now go and take a look at the oranges, 157 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,400 the oranges of the...er, investigation. 158 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,680 If he'd been in my office, he'd have had at least one verbal 159 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,480 warning by now, and he might have been asked to go on a course. 160 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,040 There was loads and loads of coverage of it. 161 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,880 House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announcing a formal 162 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,880 impeachment inquiry of President Trump. 163 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,920 The President responding on Twitter, calling it "more breaking 164 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,640 "news Witch Hunt garbage" and "presidential harassment". 165 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,480 Anyway, now they're trying to impeach him, which I think is 166 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,280 some sort of skin treatment to make him the right colour again. 167 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,240 The last president who got impeached was Bill Clinton, who had to 168 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,880 resign and was never seen or heard of again, 169 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,240 but then Clinton's crimes were unforgivable, like doing hand 170 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,120 and mouth stuff with a lady who wasn't his wife. 171 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,760 I don't know what Trump's accused of, 172 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,000 but I'd be amazed if he's ever done something as bad as that. 173 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,440 Anyway, it's not just in Britain and America - 174 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,280 everywhere on the planet's totally polarised, 175 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,960 except for the North and South Pole, and that's only because 176 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:44,000 penguins haven't got broadband, so they're not on social media yet. 177 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,840 I'm calling you a liar right now. 178 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:50,720 Don't get me wrong - all this constant modern hate is good fun, 179 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,920 but it's knackering after a while. 180 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:57,640 All my frowning muscles are worn out and my throat's raw from shouting. 181 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,920 Some mornings, I can barely shake a fist. 182 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,000 I think what I need is a bit of a break, 183 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,160 maybe tone it down for a weekend, 184 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,960 spend it just slightly resenting things. 185 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,040 I need to recharge my batteries, because in 2020, 186 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:15,200 I'm hoping to hate the fucking shit out of everything that moves. 187 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,760 Throughout 2019, entertainment helped provide 188 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,560 a little respite from our troubled world. 189 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,960 One of my favourite movie moments of 2019 190 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,080 was when they remade the Lion King, 191 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,520 because they got rid of those stupid cartoon drawings everybody 192 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,240 hated so much in the first one and did it properly, using real lions. 193 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,440 It was really impressive. If you think about how long it takes 194 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:39,920 to do a David Attenborough, 195 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,440 where the cameraman has to hide in a bush for two years just to 196 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,040 film a chinchilla having a shit, 197 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,320 to have to wait until the lions were 198 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,280 doing the exact same thing as the cartoon lions, 199 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:51,400 in the original, 200 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,480 like, a shot for shot remake, 201 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,080 must have taken forever. 202 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,920 I mean, the chances of getting even one shot are remote. 203 00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,960 Some people said it wasn't very good 204 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:02,840 because they couldn't tell one lion from another... 205 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,880 ..which is sort of lion racism, really. 206 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,760 And they complained the real lions 207 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,160 weren't as expressive as the cartoon lions. 208 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,560 But that's not real lions' fault. 209 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,680 For one thing, they've never been to acting school. 210 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,000 They're just not given those opportunities, 211 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,080 and, for another thing, that's just how lions' faces work. 212 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,080 They don't have emotion muscles. And, anyway, 213 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,880 they made up for it with all their lovely singing. 214 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:30,760 Nothing, trouble, nothing, trouble... 215 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:34,280 The thing is, it looked like actual footage but apparently 216 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,320 they did a lot of it with CGI, which is an even more amazing achievement. 217 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,640 I don't envy whoever had to squeeze all the real lions 218 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,440 into those bright green leotards with ping-pong balls all over them. 219 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,400 All the animals in it look totally real, 220 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,120 except they don't have bumholes, 221 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,480 so when they eat food, they can't get it out afterwards. 222 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,760 They must just keep swelling and swelling until they burst, 223 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,800 all up the walls of that computer universe they're in. 224 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,800 The good thing is now we've got backup copies of all these animals, 225 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,160 so when the environment goes to shit 226 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:08,440 and all the real ones die, we can still go to the zoo in VR. 227 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,480 Literally, the only difference is going to be the bumholes. 228 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,560 And I can live with that. 229 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:17,200 Quintin Cappuccino made a new version of that film he does. 230 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,040 It was called "ONSE Upon a Time in Hollywood." 231 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,680 It was based around the Manson killings 232 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,600 which was this genuine tragedy in America 233 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,120 where a load of people were murdered by these mad hippies on LSD. 234 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,360 And it explored that by concentrating on two blokes 235 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,640 who weren't there and didn't exist. 236 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,120 One of the murder victims was Sharon Tate. 237 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,040 It really brought her life back to life. 238 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,920 Like, you saw how she might have gone shopping, or sort 239 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:45,200 of walked about, or lived next door to these two more interesting men. 240 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,840 Before the film, I didn't know anything about Sharon Tate, 241 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,840 but afterwards, I knew even less, which is good 242 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,680 because it means it kept a respectful distance. 243 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,560 You know, leave Sharon Tate alone. 244 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,160 She's dead, except in this, where she's still alive, 245 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,640 just standing around looking pretty in the background, 246 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,280 not really saying much. 247 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,280 Which is what she would have wanted. 248 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,360 Well, it might be. We'll never know. 249 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,960 So it might as well be what she would have wanted. 250 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,840 I mean, at least she's still working. 251 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:15,800 Some people got upset because Sharon Tate doesn't get much dialogue. 252 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,880 But there's others who have a worse time. 253 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:21,720 Like, even though the whole thing was Charles Manson's idea, 254 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,600 he's totally overlooked. 255 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,960 He's in one scene and he has about two lines, 256 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,640 so he's the real victim here! 257 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,160 WILD CACKLING 258 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,400 There was this sort of film thing called Joker. 259 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,760 It was like a dark origin story about the actual 260 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,560 joker off of playing cards. 261 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,040 That's the one card no-one wants. 262 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,880 No-one even plays with it, which is 263 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:46,360 probably why he felt all left behind and angry. So, in many ways, 264 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,080 it was like a sort of dark reboot of Play Your Cards Right, 265 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,480 but with Robert De Niro instead of Bruce Forsyth. 266 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,680 It's actually set about 40 years ago, 267 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,160 before superhero movies were popular, 268 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,880 which is why no-one in it has heard of the Joker yet. 269 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,360 It's quite controversial. 270 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:06,960 Like, Joaquin Phoenix is totally appropriating clown culture in it. 271 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,720 There's whole scenes where he's in whiteface. 272 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,160 I mean, I know it was a different time when they shot it, 273 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,680 in 1981, but he must be mortified it's resurfaced now. 274 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,440 He'll probably never get cast in anything ever again. 275 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,120 TV HOST: The film contains "brutal violence and overall bad vibes". 276 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,320 Even though it's a sort of superhero film with a clown in it, 277 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,000 it's not for kids. 278 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,040 I mean, if I wanted my kids to watch one man's painful descent 279 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,800 into total grinding despair, 280 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,320 I'd still be living at home. 281 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,920 Just before the film came out, the news in America was 282 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,240 full of these concerned reports read out by frowning, handsome 283 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,840 people, going on and on about how it might inspire a massacre. 284 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,280 A bit like they secretly wanted that to happen. 285 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,360 Tonight, amid concern that the new Joker movie could be 286 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,160 used as an excuse for a mass shooting... 287 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,600 To be fair, in America, you don't 288 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,000 have to go to the movies to see a mass shooting anyway. 289 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,280 You can just look out the window or go to a shopping mall 290 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:05,560 or a school or a church or a restaurant or to your own workplace, 291 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,320 or a nightclub, or an ice rink. 292 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,440 Actually, have they done one in a ice rink yet? 293 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,760 You could just keep me saying that in, anyway... 294 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,280 ..because they will have by the time this goes out. 295 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,600 The convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein - once a friend 296 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,440 of presidents and British royalty - is found dead 297 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,360 in his prison cell in New York. 298 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,520 Jeffrey Epstein was this billionaire, who was into sex with 299 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,560 trafficked underage girls, and he had lots of powerful 300 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,280 friends like Donald Trump 301 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,760 and Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew. MASTERMIND THEME PLAYS 302 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,280 Anyway, this year, Epstein died 303 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,480 in a freak necktie accident 304 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,760 while one of his prison guards was blinking for too long. 305 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,080 And his friendship with Prince Andrew was on everyone's mind again, 306 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:50,200 so Andrew figured he should go on TV and just draw 307 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,960 a line under the whole thing 308 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,920 with a great big highlighter pen. 309 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,680 It was like this one-off episode of Mastermind, where his specialist 310 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:02,040 subject was a dead paedophile, and even though he knew loads about 311 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,480 the bloke, everyone seemed to think he got a lot of the answers wrong. 312 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,400 You've been on his private plane? Yes. 313 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,320 You've been to stay on his private island? Yes. 314 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,160 You've stayed at his home in Palm Beach? Yes. 315 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,720 BEEPING 316 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,240 It was a really clever format. 317 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:21,320 He had to think up hilarious alibis, and Emily Maitlis had to 318 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,600 just try not to piss herself or stand up and lamp him. 319 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,720 I was at home, I was with the children, 320 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:32,600 I had taken Beatrice to a PizzaExpress in Woking. 321 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,120 One of his alibis was that he had 322 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,400 been in a PizzaExpress in Woking at the time, 323 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,840 which is fair enough, because I'm sure that would be extremely 324 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,520 memorable to him. Maybe he had some vouchers that were about to expire 325 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,520 that day. Although for it to be really convincing, 326 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,480 he'd probably need to show us some proof like the little menu 327 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,840 he coloured in while he was there or something. 328 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,520 She described dancing with you... No. ..and you profusely sweating 329 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,320 and that she went on to have a bath, possibly... 330 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:07,040 There's a slight problem with the sweating, 331 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:11,880 because I have a peculiar medical condition, 332 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,560 which is that I don't sweat. 333 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,440 He said he wasn't capable of sweating because he had 334 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:20,000 overdosed on adrenaline when he had been shot at in a war. 335 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,120 A doctor said that wasn't possible. 336 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,080 But they don't know everything about how the human body works. 337 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,040 I mean doctors still believe in vaccines, and those have been 338 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,000 pretty thoroughly debunked by this 339 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,760 WhatsApp parents group I'm in. 340 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,320 Anyway, when the quiz was over, 341 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,680 he announced that he was stepping down from public duties. 342 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,520 I mean, it's hard to even conceive of a world without 343 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,320 Prince Andrew's contribution to it. 344 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,200 That's Britain fucked now. 345 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,800 The worst thing is, now we'll have to hold a state funeral for 346 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,480 Prince Andrew's reputation. 347 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,640 And how much is that going to cost? 348 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:53,160 Incredibly, Prince Andrew's interview was only the second most 349 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,600 catastrophic TV meltdown of the year after Emmy-winning drama Chernobyl. 350 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,840 There was this show about a place called "Cherno-ball", 351 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,680 about the sort of Russian factory that went bang. 352 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,960 I don't know what they made there, 353 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:10,400 but I think it was bread because they were all dressed like bakers 354 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:15,880 in a sort of big kitchen, worrying about the dials on their big mixer. 355 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,720 You could see they were ashamed that they had messed things up 356 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:23,080 so much because they kept really blushing like they'd seen 357 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,400 what a mess they made and just gone totally red with embarrassment. 358 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,560 To be fair, they probably didn't know how the machines in the factory 359 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,480 were supposed to work because all the manuals were printed 360 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,360 in Russian, which no-one can read. 361 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,640 When the main bread machine bit blew up, 362 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,200 it sent all this flour into the air and loads of people who got 363 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,520 exposed to it had a wheat allergy, so they got bad tummies... 364 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,960 ..and came out in a sort of nasty rash. 365 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,600 WAILING 366 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,280 It was a real scandal. 367 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,120 I hope Hovis were watching so this kind of thing never happens again. 368 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,440 The whole area went radioactive. 369 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,000 And the scary thing about radioactivity is 370 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,480 it's dangerous even though you can't see it. 371 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,280 Like when a paedophile hides under a table. 372 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,400 First, the explosion makes all the colour bleed out of the sky 373 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,800 so everything is grim and depressing. 374 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,360 Then there's Trevor off EastEnders stomping around with 375 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,040 his bits all hanging out. 376 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,920 It was like, "All right, mate, this is about a nuclear accident 377 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,440 "but does it have to be such a downer?" 378 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,760 GUNSHOT 379 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,520 It turned into a zombie movie, but they were the worst zombies 380 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,880 I've ever seen. They just kept lying down and sort of crying. 381 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,520 Agh. 382 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,320 They didn't even bite each other. 383 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:39,200 What was clever was it explained exactly how a nuclear reactor works. 384 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,840 With an RBMK reactor of the type used at Chernobyl, there is 385 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,320 something called a positive void coefficient. 386 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:51,160 Which is, it sort of has particles in it and atoms 387 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,560 and they sort of rub together. 388 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,680 And then all the power comes out, 389 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,280 but if you turn the dial up too much, everything explodes. 390 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,400 And I couldn't have told you any of that before. 391 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:09,040 Throughout 2019, British politics was in flux, with old certainties 392 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,080 getting shat through a bin-bag left, right and centre. 393 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,160 At the start of 2019, there was this sort of Theresa May woman, 394 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,360 who'd been Prime Minister by mistake for almost three years. 395 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:22,480 Some people thought Theresa May looked awkward in her own skin, 396 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,280 but I'm not convinced it was her own skin. 397 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,880 She had this sort of habit of going... 398 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,360 ..with her mouth, like a fish that had just got hooked 399 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,000 on a political problem. 400 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,640 Even when she was smiling, you could see her face start thinking, 401 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,800 "I'm not sure about this," and then she'd start... 402 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,160 Like...all over the shop. 403 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,760 Anyway, her biggest problem was she'd set herself the job of 404 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,400 delivering some sort of Brexit deal, 405 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,440 but no-one could agree on what that was. 406 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,480 In fact, the only thing anyone did agree on 407 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,640 was that she was making the disagreements worse. 408 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,080 CHANTING: What do we want? Brexit! 409 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,280 When do we want it? Now! 410 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,600 Let's get out. 411 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,360 Let's have Brexit! 412 00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,000 Leavers kept saying Brexit was the will of the people. 413 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,480 What I believe we must do is deliver on the will of the people. 414 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,520 And the 48% who had voted Remain weren't happy about that, 415 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,720 because they were people too. 416 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,160 But in a referendum, the side that wins gets to decide 417 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,480 which way everyone else had really wanted to vote in the first place, 418 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,480 and then add that to their score. 419 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:22,320 So once you factor that in, the result goes from 52% to 100% Leave, 420 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,160 which is why it's the will of the people. 421 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,600 And you can't argue with that. 422 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,440 Or even secretly disagree with it, 423 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,240 because it's your own will. 424 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:33,360 Anyway, the MPs kept trying to do Brexit again, and again, 425 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,600 and they couldn't quite shunt it through the voting...hole, 426 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,400 or whatever it is they use. 427 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,920 MPs have rejected Theresa May's withdrawal agreement 428 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,640 for a third time, throwing the UK's Brexit strategy 429 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:45,920 into further confusion. 430 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,720 While all this was going on, 431 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,960 Corbyn still didn't know how he felt about Brexit. 432 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,040 It was really difficult for him. 433 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,080 Even harder than trying to work out what anti-Semitism is. 434 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:59,720 So he decided to appeal to Leavers and Remainers by not saying anything 435 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,960 that might inspire either of them. 436 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,840 And when you're trying to unite opposing sides like that, 437 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,280 the last thing you need is a bunch of fucking centrists in your party, 438 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,800 getting in the way. 439 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,960 Some of his followers told them to fuck off and join the Tories. 440 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,360 So they did - 441 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,000 the obedient bastards. 442 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,040 Suddenly there was this group called Change "uck", 443 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,320 who altered the face of British politics for an entire afternoon. 444 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,760 By April, the whole thing was in total shitlock. 445 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,600 So we had to hold a European elections. 446 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,880 That's when Nigel Farage invented the Brexit Party. 447 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,600 It's one of those no-nonsense names that does what it says 448 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,960 on the tin - like that pile cream called AnuSol. 449 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,360 Although that comes in a tube, not a tin... 450 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,240 ..I expect. 451 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,760 When the votes were counted, the Tories hadn't done great, 452 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,680 so Theresa had to Article 50 the shit out of herself. 453 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,560 She said she was going to quit, 454 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,400 and did a bye-bye speech where her voice went a bit wobbly at the end. 455 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:59,000 To have had the opportunity... to serve the country I love. 456 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,480 I felt a bit sorry for her, 457 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,040 because it shows she really was capable of regular human emotions, 458 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,880 like self-pity and resentment. 459 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,640 Once Theresa May had gone, they had a race to be the new Prime Minister 460 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,080 among all these young hopefuls like Michael Glove, 461 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,920 and the first baby to be Home Secretary, 462 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,160 and this sort of teeth bloke, who looked like a cross 463 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,400 between Eddie Redmayne and the Child Catcher. 464 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,640 But the frontrunner was always Boris Johnson. 465 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,880 When you see him on the news with his hair and his face, 466 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,720 looking like an overstuffed scarecrow that's fallen in a trough 467 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,560 of pink-flavoured Angel Delight, you think, 468 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,560 "Hang on, I'm going to absolutely piss myself here." 469 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,200 Like a cartoon's just come on. 470 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:37,480 But instead of telling jokes, 471 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,840 he just sort of makes posh buffering noises. 472 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,720 I'm cautiously optimistic. 473 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,400 How-how-how-what... Is that a good enough, erm...? 474 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,040 Anyway, Boris won, so he had to become Mayor of Britain for a bit. 475 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,880 The thing is, the elite establishment 476 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,760 still kept trying to stop Brexit. 477 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,160 But, luckily, now there were these everyday, underdog, 478 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,560 honest men of the soil like Jacob Rees-Mogg ready to take them on. 479 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,600 Boris had this genius bloke working for him, Dominic Cumberbatch. 480 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,120 He used to work on the Leave campaign, and they made 481 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:10,880 a film about it where he was played by his brother, Sherlock. 482 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,040 It really brought home just how clever and bald he was. 483 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,440 Because he seemed so clever in the film, 484 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,080 everyone assumed he was clever in real life 485 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,600 and that everything he did was part of a clever strategy. 486 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,800 Even if he blew off into his hand and smelt it - 487 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,640 not that he did that, but if he had 488 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,880 it would've been for a clever reason. 489 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,120 Anyway, Boris kept trying to make Brexit happen, 490 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,560 but he couldn't manage it either, even after he'd tricked the Queen 491 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,360 into turning Parliament off and on again. 492 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:40,360 So he gave this speech saying he didn't want an election... 493 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,240 I don't want an election. ..and that no-one wanted an election. 494 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,040 You don't want an election. 495 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,080 And then he asked for an election. 496 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,880 As if that was going to work! 497 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,600 Tonight at ten, we're at Westminster, where MPs have approved 498 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,760 the first December general election since 1923. 499 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,160 They hailed it as the election of a lifetime - 500 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,120 a couple of years after the other one they called 501 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,560 an election of a lifetime. 502 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,440 Which means they're probably not talking about a human lifetime, 503 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,520 but a mealworm or something like that, 504 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,680 which is stupid because everyone knows mealworms can't vote. 505 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,520 They can't hold a pencil. 506 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:16,000 Early on, Corbyn and Johnson had to go on this sort of game show 507 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,440 where Boris had to mention Brexit as often as possible, 508 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,080 and Jeremy had to pretend he hadn't heard him. 509 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,800 Neither of them looked very statesman-like. 510 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,080 Corbyn had these off-putting glasses, and Johnson was like 511 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,600 a failed reboot of the Honey Monster making a court appearance. 512 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,760 It was like a Mock The Week special where they kept getting laughs 513 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,240 with their material, but by accident. 514 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,760 Does the truth matter in this election? 515 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,200 I think it does. And I think... 516 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,600 LAUGHTER FROM AUDIENCE ..and I think it very important. 517 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,360 While the debate was on, the Tories changed their Twitter name 518 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,400 to "factcheckUK", so they looked like an independent 519 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:52,920 fact-checking service. 520 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,320 They got shit for that but, to be fair, 521 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,400 it only fooled everyone who saw it. 522 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,640 The Tories had this simple slogan they kept saying over 523 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:00,640 and over again... 524 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,680 Get Brexit done. 525 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:02,880 Get Brexit done. 526 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,120 Get Brexit done! 527 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,160 ..which meant you knew who to vote for if you wanted 528 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:07,560 to get Brexit gone. 529 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,600 People said Jeremy Corbyn's Brexit position was hard to understand, 530 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,440 just cos it couldn't be summed up in a snappy sound bite 531 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,680 or a short book. 532 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,520 But it was really simple. 533 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,200 He said he'd negotiate a new deal then put that to the public 534 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,480 in a referendum, which he'd be neutral about. 535 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,640 Then he'd subtract the deal you've first thought of, 536 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,240 fold the result in half 537 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,360 and multiply it by the Jews. 538 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:33,000 What's the problem? 539 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,080 There were lots of people talking about tactical voting. 540 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,440 To vote tactically, you had to ignore who you wanted to vote for 541 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:44,320 and instead vote Lib Dem, which is short for the Liberal Dems. 542 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,360 They're this sort of middle filler party that used to be run by 543 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,840 the world's oldest Doctor Who, Winch Cable, until 544 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,640 he regenerated into this Girl Guide leader called Jo from Swindon. 545 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,400 The Tories had the right-wing press on their side, 546 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,720 but Jeremy Corbyn had Momentum behind him, 547 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,320 which was ironic. 548 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,880 Then the Chief Rabbi said the Labour Party had a serious problem 549 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,680 with anti-cementism, and the next day Corbyn was interviewed 550 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,760 by Andrew Neil, and he didn't say sorry once. 551 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:11,920 Or twice. 552 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,360 Or at all. 553 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:16,040 Boris Johnson was supposed to be interviewed too, 554 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,480 but when he saw what Andrew Neil had done to Corbyn, 555 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,840 he must've shat his own arse up his back, 556 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,920 because suddenly he was too busy doing other things. 557 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,560 Boris avoided everyone. 558 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,800 He dodged Jeremy Vine in the big Channel 4 weather chat, 559 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,840 and when Good Morning Britain asked him to speak to Piers Morgan, 560 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,040 he was so desperate to get away he hid in a big fridge... 561 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,720 He's been taken inside, into the freezer. 562 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,360 You've gone into the fridge. Excuse me. 563 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:41,400 ..which is the most relatable thing he's ever done. 564 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,280 To be fair, he was being furiously held to account by the press - 565 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,000 you only had to glance at the front pages to see that. 566 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,720 And he was brave enough to appear on This Morning, which is 567 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,160 a notoriously hostile environment. 568 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:54,720 For Amanda Holden. 569 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,160 One morning, a reporter tracked Boris down and asked him 570 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,720 to look at this shocking photo of a boy sleeping on a hospital floor. 571 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,080 But when confronted with this image by an ITV reporter today, 572 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,560 the Prime Minister at first refused to even look at it. 573 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,560 It's not fair to expect Boris to focus on an interview with 574 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,640 a suffering child directly in his field of vision. 575 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,600 He might be overcome with emotion and just start laughing. 576 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:21,400 So he did the decent thing and nicked the reporter's phone. 577 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,560 Anyway, in the last few days the polls tightened, 578 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,520 and Labour and the Tories were neck and neck. 579 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,520 Apart from the huge gap between them. 580 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,200 Boris Johnson leads the Conservatives to a resounding 581 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,880 election victory. 582 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,960 When the result came in, it was a landslide. 583 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,680 The Tories won seats in places they'd never even heard of 584 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,520 and probably hadn't even stood in. 585 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,960 It was clear everyone in Great Britain had voted Tory - 586 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,240 unless you count Scotland, 587 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,680 which we probably won't have to much longer. 588 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,080 People said Corbyn couldn't win an election if he tried, 589 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,640 which wasn't completely fair, 590 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,000 because it turned out he couldn't win two elections if he tried. 591 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:03,760 I will not lead the party in any future general election campaign. 592 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,720 Corbyn said he'll step down next year. 593 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,880 He'll probably go back to his allotment, 594 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,520 and alienate some sprouts. 595 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,760 Then Boris stood outside his palace and said he wanted 596 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:17,280 everyone in Britain to forget their differences and come together - 597 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,280 be they Leaver or Remainer, 598 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,320 letterbox or bumboy. 599 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:27,760 I urge everyone to find closure and to let the healing begin. 600 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:32,080 It's a lot of power for someone like him, but I'm sure it'll be fine. 601 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,120 He'll probably look after us 602 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,120 like we were his own children.